Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Mom Jeans

Imagine my surprise when my girls declared, “You have got to quit wearing Mom Jeans.” (“Your butt looks big.”) There I was, going about my day, blissfully unaware that I was committing a fashion sin.  I had no clue. What are Mom Jeans?  According to Wikkepedia: Mom jeans is a satirical term for a perceived fit of women's jeans considered very unflattering, consisting of a high waist (a few inches above the belly button), which accentuates a flat curvature of the buttocks, as well as generous cuts in the stomach and leg. Usually the jeans are in a light-blue coloring, solid with no form of Stone washing, and tapered at the ankle. Other attributes of the Mom jeans style often seen are pleated fronts, partially elastic waistbands, and blouses tucked in to the jeans. This style of jeans were popular with women until the early 1990s, when lower rise jeans were becoming fashionable.  I ask myself, “For goodness sake what is so important about a pair of jeans?”I gave it some thought.


 #1: I wear jeans every single day. Jeans are practical, versatile, and they don’t wrinkle.

#2: I like to look “with it” (this meaning, no elastic waist pants for this grandma)

#3:  Oprah devoted an entire show to jeans. Lest you think I am just a blind follower of Oprah let me set it straight.  I have a life of my own.  I can think for myself. But let’s back up a bit.

Up until my daughters had pointed out my fashion blunder I had worn jeans regardless of style. If they were long enough and not too tight around the waist I was good to go.  It seems I was badly out of style; too busy raising several children to think much about fashion, especially jeans. I thought I was safe.  I have to admit that since menopause my jeans don’t fit like they used to, not that I have gained weight (OK, so a few pounds) but my shape has changed.  Aside from the gentle pull of gravity on all counts I now have no waist to speak of and my middle…well let’s not talk about that. There are those that call this extra flesh “love handles”. 

I had adjusted to my revised post menopausal shape, but I was willing to try something different.  Alas, shopping was more complicated than I thought! Do I get straight leg, tapered leg, boot cut or flared? And what about the rise? There are at waist, below waist, low rise and ultra-super-low rise. Then comes destroyed, distressed, frayed, whiskered, light and/or medium dark wash or rinse. Just when I think this is too much there are also more choices which are the “style”: carpenter, cargo, painters, loose fit, relax fit, original or regular fit, skinny fit, slim fit, slouch, and boy cut. Whew! The only thing I knew was my waist and inseam. I have never liked store dressing rooms, which didn’t help my mood when it came time to try on these zillions of kinds of jeans. I gave up and went home still wearing the dreaded Mom Jeans.

Then while surfing the internet one day I saw this brand that claimed to be the answer to other fashion challenged women of a certain age.  I read the reviews which raved about how good they fit and how flattering they were. My sister has a pair and said they were great. I was sold. I bit the bullet and ordered a brand new pair online, on the spot.  I was that confident.

Update. The famed and overpriced jeans are here and I have tried them on. Hmm… They seem to fit but I still I don’t look like a young slender gal. I look like a middle aged mom wearing an expensive pair of jeans. My tummy is still there, my muffin top still peeks out over the top and gosh, my butt is still wide and looks as broad as ever. Buyer’s remorse sets in. I paid too much for these. Back they go.

What is the lesson here?  Brand new, brand name jeans do not a good figure make. Since that fateful day I’ve compromised with medium rise, boot cut, dark rinse jeans whatever brand they are and when they are on sale. And I’ll remember this when the fickle fashion changes years down the road and my daughters will be wearing Mom Jeans.
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